Last updated: December 1, 2011 9:25 am
The internal monologue of this guy in front of me during my lecture
‘It’s a good thing I’m right at the front of the class and everyone can see me’
BURNABY, B.C. (CUP HUMOUR) — I can’t believe that everybody else is sitting somewhere between the middle and the back of the lecture hall. Don’t they know they’re paying for this education? What a bunch of proles. I’ll just slide into my usual spot: front row, just off to the side. After all, I wouldn’t want to be dead center. Then I would seem like a real suck up.
Today I have the entire row to myself, how lucky! This extra space will come in handy for this unidentifiable Tupperware container of food that I microwaved before coming into class. I am a talented cook, so my classmates will be so happy to enjoy the smells emanating from my seat. I would happily share, but no one ever seems to ask. I suppose I’ll just finish this and then leave it on the empty seat beside me when I leave. Maybe the next person to sit here will be able to appreciate the smell.
Well, it’s been 13 minutes since class began, so my ADD is really starting to act up. Seems like now would be the perfect time to work on my multitasking skills. I think it’s time to take out my computer. Oh no! It’s low on battery! I guess I need to find an outlet. It’s a good thing I’m right at the front of the class and everyone can see me, otherwise my classmates would have no idea why someone was making all this noise.
I found a nice outlet. I have moved all my things over one seat so that it can reach my laptop, and aside from having to move my empty Tupperware to another seat it went smoothly. Multitasking, here I come. My doctor suggested that playing Starcraft would be a great way for me to multitask. I’ve gotten pretty good at the game, so all these folks behind me are going to have a great view.
Come to think of it, maybe that’s why everyone sits back there. If you sat right up front, there’s a chance you would be able to completely ignore me playing Starcraft. Hell, you might not even know that I was playing it at all. It must be such a relief to all my fellow students that I sit up front. You know what? For their benefit, I think I’ll sit up front every time I play Starcraft. I can’t wait to see how much pussy I get.